Suggestions for working with children with attachment and asperger's problems at home and in the schools.

Do’s
 

1. Use action not anger. Watch for facial expressions and prevent problems.
2. Have a good plan. The plan should be comprehensive.
3. Be adaptable: If a change is needed consult with the team and make a change.
4. Use energy to praise real accomplishments.
5. Hold students accountable. It’s the kind thing to do. These children feel safer when they see adults as powerful and in control.
6. Give consequences the first time. You don’t need to treat these children the same to do what is fair and right for them. Ask for written apology. Assign chores. Send them to the thinking chair in the hall before they act out.
7. Give conditional praise. False praise is seen as manipulation. General praise is seen as a lie. “You are a great kid,” will not be believed.
8. Care about the child. It is appropriate to state; “It’s too bad you made that decision, maybe you’ll choose better next time.” Be sincere.
9. Maintain a calm demeanor. Don’t let them get your goat.
10. Fight the battles you can win. Saying no, when you can’t stop them undermines your authority.
11. Communicate with parents.
a. Support parents emotionally. Tell them you understand it must wear them out to deal with these problems on and on.
12. Ask for help with this student. If you have to many needy students it is not realistic to be able to meet all their needs.
13. Work as a team. Communicate with all staff and parents regularly.

Don’ts

1. Show no anger or observable frustration. They know what you are thinking so you must be emotionally calm inside.
2. Give no second chances. Feel good about doing what’s best for this child. Doing the right thing and feeling sorry for the child at the same time defeats the effectiveness of the discipline. They will read your heart.
3. Give no bribes. They will manipulate you until the price is too high.
4. Give no special reminders or lectures. They are smart and do understand.
5. Don’t argue with students. This is their attempt to manipulate and control you. Deflect their arguments with; “regardless” or “never the less” and add, “What did I ask you to do”. End with; “I respect you too much to argue with you”.
6. Don’t be alone with these children. They will lie about you.
7. No motherly nurturing. Bonding is not your job, just be a powerful authority figure who really cares. Control how they touch you.
8. Never doubt that they know right from wrong or what the rules really are. Treat them like they are smart. “I forgot” or “I didn’t know” is rarely true.
9. Don’t let them be in control. It’s all about control. They will feel safer if all adults are in control and they can not manipulate. Team, team, team.
10. Never try to hold them down. Share power with them by offering your hand.
11. Don’t let them steal, lie, hurt others or break rules without consequences.